Знаки судьбы

С каждым прожитым годом начинаешь замечать простую истину: все что с нами происходит — это правильно. К лучшему. Жизнь сама дает нам знаки, подсказывает где тебе и как будет лучше. Спустя время понимаешь — почему…

Почему так, а не по-другому. Почему не вышло с той работой, тем человеком, проектом и т.д.

Это мои личные наблюдения, я не призываю следовать им. Просто попробуйте проанализировать свои стремления, многочисленные попытки, последующие разочарования.

И что случалось потом?

Какие события заполнили жизнь после того, как по вашему мнению вы потерпели поражение. Подумайте, вспомните. Для себя, по-честному.  И вы поймете: все, что с нами происходит — к лучшему. Возможно, это уменьшит оттенок печали на наших лицах и мы научимся понимать эти знаки судьбы.

Личный пример — лучший показатель. Пришло время рассказать о себе ;-)

В 16 лет мне поставили диагноз – «миопия высокой степени», освободили от всех экзаменов в школе и предлагали присвоить инвалидность. Ускоренными темпами я теряла зрение. В те советские времена с моим -10 я могла рассчитывать только на увесистую роговую оправу и стекла толщиной с палец. Поэтому, очки не носила. Линзы в СССР не продавались. Как жила? Сама не знаю. В потемках. Усердно оплакивала свое одинокое существование. Дружить не умела, никуда не ходила, т.к. ничего не видела.

Меня сопровождала куча запретов: не наклоняться, не заниматься спортом, не рожать, не читать, не смотреть телевизор и т.д. Жить, как растение. Я бросила музыкальную и художественную школу, танцевальный коллектив. Мои сверстницы ходили на свидания, учились отшивать парней, травить анекдоты и пользоваться косметикой. А я была ужасно одинокой. Словами не передать…

К тому моменту, когда в областных поликлиниках появились первые линзы, я перенесла две операции по остановке падения зрения. Но оно оказалось капризным и продолжало снижаться. Пустоту я научилась заполнять мечтами о новой жизни, а все что приходило в голову, записывала. Так я научилась писать длинные тексты, которые гордо называла «книги». Пожалуй, это было единственное занятие, в котором мне не требовались помощники…

Прошло много лет прежде чем я перестала ныть, наплевала на все запреты врачей, вышла замуж и родила ребенка. Я стала наверстывать упущенную жизнь. Вот сколько успею — это моё. Но жить как растение не буду!

Закончила институт, работаю на АЭС. Правда, перед медкомиссией пришлось выучить наизусть таблицу с буквами и разорванными кольцами, чтобы пройти офтальмолога.  Каждый день мой похож на день Сурка: считаю депонированные образцы кабеля, составляю перечни электродвигателей насосных агрегатов и систем вентиляции, продлеваю ресурс оборудования, которое выработало эксплуатационный срок службы.

1. Фото0515 Фото0518

После работы бегу в детсад, потом домой. Как у всех: обязанности, посуда, плита, утюг, детские болячки. Чтобы не сойти с ума — пишу. Ночами. Это единственное время, которое могу потратить на себя. Утром еле встаю, еду на работу, сражаюсь с цифрами, типами, маркировкой… И задаю себе вопрос – почему всё так? Почему мечта не сбывается? Почему у одних есть этот счастливый случай, а других он обходит стороной?

Первую рукопись я предложила в 33 издательства. Все координаты нашла на их сайтах, благо интернет открыл мне двери в мир. Десять из тридцати трех ответили категорическим отказом, еще десять написали что-то более развернутое, но сводимое к короткому: «спасибо, не надо». Все остальные просто отмолчались. Говорить, как я расстроилась? Как полагала надежды и что должно было измениться в моей жизни? Все и без слов понятно.

Через год этим же товарищам я предложила вторую рукопись. Совершенно новую для меня и интересную (как мне казалось) для издателя и читателя. Все повторилось. А спустя полгода мне позвонил главный редактор «Риполл-классик», одного из ведущих российских издательств, долго хвалил и пригласил на собеседование в Москву.  О том как это было, наверное, я напишу отдельную заметку как-нибудь. Уж очень забавная история получилась:) В итоге нашей беседы мне заказали написать книгу, которая должна была стать бестселлером среди всего русскоязычного населения. Представляете масштаб? А величину моей гордости? Меня распирало и в поезде обратно, и дома за компьютером. Я работала ночами, потому что днями приходилось трудиться на благо отечественной энергетической отрасли.

Через три месяца я отвезла рукопись в Москву. Все было чудесно. Мне целовали ручки и крестили вслед. Мы набросали проект рекламной компании и придумали обложку книги. Я покидала Москву победителем.

А через месяц грянул кризис. Шел 2008-й год. Издательство шаталось от колебаний курса и падало в обморок от цен на бумагу. Договора с новыми авторами были расторгнуты, главный редактор уволился.

Как описать черными буквами что я тогда чувствовала? Это был крах…

Видела ли я там знаки судьбы? Нет, конечно. Только злой рок и печать неудачницы.

Спустя несколько лет, пережив еще не одну сотню отказов и разочарований, я научилась к ним проще относится. И не убиваться по три недели в слезах. И потом поняла, что не надо мне было это издательство. Ни тогда, ни сейчас. Долго пояснять тонкости производства и градацию печатных предприятий. Поверьте, это был правильный удар. Если бы я осталась с ними, я бы не стала автором таких журналов как: Натали, Домашний очаг и многих других хороших изданий. Я бы не написала новые книги и не предложила их самому крупному изд.дому. В общем, жестокий урок, но верный.

В «Натали» я потом написала статью на эту тему Знаки судьбы

Не буду утомлять рассказами о неудачах, поверьте, их было много. Неопубликованные статьи, не вышедшая в эфир передача, не снятые серии «Смешариков» по моим сценариям и т.д. Этих НЕ было так много, хватило бы на несколько жизней. А поместилось в мою одну…

 2

Из запомнившихся — мы с командой «Пятый сектор» не стали участниками шоу талантов в 2010г. Это был чудный год танцевальных побед: городские концерты, областные конкурсы, гран-при, гастроли и фестивали. Нас приглашали, мы выступали.

В Киев тоже пригласили. Был жуткий мороз, и дороги замело. Отменяли автобусы и поезда. Но мы ничего этого не замечали, стремились в столицу на кастинг. Долго грелись, разминали мышцы и представляли что будем говорить на работе если пройдем в проект. Мечтали о новых постановках и модных костюмах, о работе с хореографами и т.д. и т.п.  Но мы не прошли. Об этом узнали по эл.почте…

Ссылка на видео При создании сайта лучшего  по качеству не нашла в компе :-(

Год после этой истории мы не выступали. Нигде.

Но сейчас у каждого из нас своя активная жизнь. Своя ниша и своя радость. И Бог его знает, как бы сложилась наша жизнь, если бы тогда нам сказали «да»…

Из последних и ярких «знаков» — крах надежды стать внештатным журналистом. Конечно, это событие можно связать с кризисом, разрухой экономики и войной в стране. Когда печатные издания закрываются, штаты сокращаются, и о любви, отношениях и воспитании детей в период военных действий как-то не читается. Но я к этой цели шла много лет, прогибаясь под формат каждого издания, находя нужные темы, многократно переправляя тексты, исполняя требования редактора. В середине 2013-го у меня было шесть изданий в трех разных странах. А уже к концу года осталось одно.

Пять лет кропотливой работы и… пшик.

Что я чувствую в эти моменты? Как все люди — страдаю. В глазах слезы, в горле пылающий шар обиды. Почему? — самый популярный вопрос, который я задаю в небо.

Где здесь взяться знакам? Можно представить, что если бы я была так тотально занята, как собиралась работать для всех изданий, смогла бы я тогда создать этот сайт? Пришло бы это мне в голову? Работать на себя, а не на кого-то.

Так что, истина она всегда где-то рядом. Все что с нами происходит — это правильно. К лучшему. Знаки — великая сила. Надо только уметь их увидеть.

Также по теме: Как я хотела работать на ТВ     Как заработать на своих снимках    Как родилось желание путешествовать    Как у нас появилась Стеша    Как мы начали путешествовать   Как получить работу в кино   Как стать моделью

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